Fantards
The collective term for fangirls and their more elusive male counterparts, fanboys. An astute observation by Cheezburger's site Totally Looks Like describes the dangers presented by fantards (''particularly ''Twitards). Fantards can also be used as a verb; i.e. "I fantard," "you fantard," "he/she/it Wumbo... I mean, fantards." It is the act of fantarding over something. Examples of Popular Fantard Fandoms There are several fandoms which are especially popular, and seem to have exceptionally rabid fanbases. Twilight Possibly one of the most humorous -and tragic- examples of fantardom. Affectionately termed "Twitards" or, alternately, "Twihards," the fanbase consists mostly of girls just hitting puberty and housewives who have too much time on their hands. Not to mention, they're pretty much in it for the lolomghawtguyz/Edward's sparklez/Jacob's abs/Edward and Bella's twu wuv/fun quotes to put on Facebook later. What they fail to realize is that if some guy climbed into their bedroom, in the middle of the night, to watch them sleep in real life, he would be labeled a stalker and potential sexual fiend. They also fail to realize that that's actually really, really creepy. Twitards frequent the dark catacombs of Fanfiction.net, creating awful fanfiction usually surrounding Edward or Jacob. Some include Bella being torched or thrown off a cliff, leaving the two hapless boys to be immediately snatched up (in a manner of speaking) by Mary Sues (I'm making that up, of course, but I don't doubt that it's happened before). See here and here if you don't believe me. Now, there are two levels of Twilight fans: The sane ones who appreciate the book, and the Twitards who ''worship ''the book. Now, I'm all for reading, but that's just not right. While most sane Twilight fans are alright, Twitards are... positively frightening, albeit somewhat amusing. If you're confused as to which one a potential Twitard is, just tell them that you hate Edward and/or Jacob. Their reaction should clear any doubts you have about their level of Twitardom. (Hatred of Bella probably won't stir up anyone, as most people aren't huge Bella fans anyway. She's actually kind of irrelevant, in the big scheme of the fandom. To anyone who disagrees- I will revoke that statement the day I see a "Team Bella" T-shirt.) Level of Danger: HIGH. To be avoided at all costs. However, if confrontation cannot be avoided, arguing with a Twitard can actually be pretty funny. Naruto Deemed "Narutards" by the sane world, the Naruto fandom, while more co-ed than that of Twilight, has proven equally crazy. The difference is that while Twilight gets the "preppies," Naruto draws in the "anime/manga nerds;" the ones who attend cosplays and draw yaoi makeout scenes that have the same level of anatomical correctness as a stick figure. Not that that in and of itself is a bad thing- I know some really awesome people who are a lil' con-crazy. But the problem begins when the line between fiction and reality gets thinner and thinner, and Narutards start believing that they, too, are ninjas. The majority of Naruto fangirls tend to obsess over either perky protagonist Naruto, or the more emo secondary character Sasuke. Sadly, some of them think that they are real (see the picture at left). I'm not sure about the Naruto fanboys... however, I do know that there are excessive amounts of "wich NaRuTo boi iz rite 4 u?!" quizzes on Quizilla. ... on the plus side, hair gel sales are up! Narutards can often be spotted by their vast array of Naruto memorabilia. T-shirts, those little headband thingies, backpacks, keychains, etc. If all else fails, claim that Naruto is gay (which they might actually agree with, depending on who you ask) and Sasuke is an emo loser. That should clear things up quickly. Level of Danger: HIGH. If they try to pull any ninja moves on them... just retort with "Two camels in a tiny car" (or even "My katana is bigger than yours") and walk away. Harry Potter Now, it isn't so much the series itself that's to blame. Harry Potter is a wonderfully written series, and J.K. Rowling is a fantastic author. But some people let their appreciation (or un-appreciation, depending on how you take it) get a little carried away. These people are known as "Pottards." There is, in fact, a difference between a regular Harry Potter geek/enthusiast and a Pottard, and that main difference lies within the realms of fanfiction.net. You see, Pottards take their fandom and decide to write (usually awful) fanfiction about it. The two most popular pairings seem to be DracoxHarry and DracoxHermione. Why the heck Draco is so popular, I'm not sure. I didn't know so many girls were attracted to whiny, wimpy, snobby, self-righteous brats with rich papas and commitment issues. Huh. Must be the same logic that attracts girls to "romantic" stalkers (i.e. Romeo, Edward, Marius...). Anyways, enter Harry Sue; the species of Mary Sue thrust upon the Potterverse for God knows why. One infamous example of a Harry Sue is the e-legend, "My Immortal," which will cause you to never take a goth seriously again. The main character, Ebony/Enoby/Eboby/Egogy Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, has become one of the most well-known Harry Sues in existance; her level of fail is legendary. Not to mention that Dumbledore curses out students while wearing Avril Lavigne robes. That alone should draw in readers. Most Harry-Sues enter into a romantic relationship with either Harry, Draco, or Cedric (poor Ron doesn't get any Sue love...), are curvaceous, mysterious, and frequently foreign exchange students. They often defy dress code, are masters of incredibly hard spells, or replace Harry as the Chosen One who has to kill Voldemort. Hermoine's cat may be used as a jinx from time to time. Some Pottards take it to the next level, corrupting the canon characters. See PotterSues for more excellent examples of Harry-Sues! But again, I stress the point that a Pottard is usually the Suethor of a Harry Sue, not necessarily a Harry Potter enthusiast. Level of Danger: Depends- are you literate, and do you have Internet access? (Obviously you do, if you're reading this right now.) I could go on... Avatar: The Last Airbender (ZUTARA SHIPPERS OMG), Star Trek (the one that started it all), heck, even Les Mis (Enjy and Javert fangirls drive the rest of us insane)! The truth is, there are fantards in almost every fandom. The only way to handle them is to stay out of biting range. Because they WILL bite.